Infidelity rarely has a single cause. Although relationship dissatisfaction can contribute to cheating, psychological research identifies a much wider range of motivations, including sexual desire, emotional neglect, anger, low commitment, novelty-seeking, self-esteem, and situational circumstances.
One of the most important findings in modern infidelity research is that people do not always cheat because they are unhappy with their primary relationship. Some report strong feelings for their partners while pursuing other relationships for reasons that are personal, sexual, or situational.
This article examines the psychological causes of infidelity, what scientific studies reveal about people’s motivations, and how technology is changing the circumstances in which affairs occur.
For statistics about how frequently infidelity occurs, see our comprehensive Infidelity Statistics 2026: Rates, Trends and Research.
Why Do People Cheat? The Research-Based Explanation
People cheat for multiple, sometimes overlapping reasons. Research has identified distinct motivations involving dissatisfaction, sexual desire, emotional neglect, anger, reduced commitment, diminished love, self-esteem, and situational opportunity. An affair can reflect problems within a relationship, but it can also arise from motivations that are not primarily about the partner or relationship.
A particularly important study, Motivations for Extradyadic Infidelity Revisited, was published in The Journal of Sex Research by Dylan Selterman, Justin R. Garcia, and Irene Tsapelas.
The researchers surveyed 495 people who reported experiences of infidelity, most of whom were young adults. Their findings challenged the assumption that cheating can be reduced to a simple choice between emotional dissatisfaction and sexual desire.
Instead, they identified eight distinguishable motivations.
The Eight Main Reasons People Cheat
1. Sexual Desire
Sexual dissatisfaction or a desire for sexual experiences outside the primary relationship can motivate infidelity.
This may involve differences in sexual frequency, mismatched desires, or an interest in experiences that are not occurring within the existing relationship.
However, sexual desire does not necessarily imply that a person has stopped loving their partner. Sexual attraction, romantic attachment, and relationship commitment are related but distinct experiences.
2. Emotional Neglect
Feeling emotionally neglected is another recognized motivation.
A person who feels ignored, unappreciated, or disconnected from their partner may become especially receptive to attention from someone else.
Affairs motivated by neglect can involve the search for emotional validation, affection, or a renewed sense of being valued.
Importantly, perceived neglect is subjective. One partner may feel disconnected even when the other does not recognize a serious problem.
3. Anger and Resentment
Some people report cheating in connection with anger toward a partner.
Motivations may include resentment, retaliation, or a desire to respond to a perceived betrayal.
This is different from cheating primarily to obtain sexual pleasure or romantic fulfillment. Anger-motivated infidelity can be closely connected to unresolved interpersonal conflict.
However, identifying anger as a motivation does not mean that infidelity is an inevitable or justified response to relationship problems.
4. Falling Out of Love
Another motivation is the perception that romantic love has diminished or disappeared.
Someone may remain in a relationship because of family commitments, shared finances, children, familiarity, or other practical considerations while no longer experiencing the same romantic attachment.
In these circumstances, an outside relationship may represent an attempt to experience emotional connection or romantic excitement again.
A decline in romantic feelings is not equivalent to infidelity: many people experience changes in love or attraction without violating relationship agreements.
5. Low Commitment
Some affairs are associated with reduced commitment to the primary relationship.
People who feel less invested in maintaining exclusivity may be more willing to pursue outside opportunities, particularly when they perceive few consequences or do not expect the relationship to continue.
Commitment is not identical to satisfaction. A person may be dissatisfied but remain strongly committed, while another may be relatively satisfied yet less committed to exclusivity.
6. Self-Esteem and Validation
Infidelity can sometimes be motivated by a desire to feel attractive, desirable, important, or socially valued.
Attention from a new romantic or sexual partner may provide temporary reassurance about physical attractiveness or personal worth.
Researchers sometimes describe this as an esteem-related motivation.
This does not mean everyone who cheats has low self-esteem. Rather, feeling validated or admired can be one of several reasons people pursue an outside relationship.
7. Sexual Variety and Novelty
Some people report seeking additional sexual partners because they desire variety, novelty, or new experiences.
This motivation is particularly important because it demonstrates that infidelity does not always begin with dissatisfaction.
A person might describe an otherwise fulfilling relationship while still experiencing attraction to new partners or curiosity about experiences outside it.
For a related discussion, see our article on the Coolidge effect, novelty, and infidelity.
The Coolidge effect concerns renewed sexual interest in response to novel partners, but findings from experimental research should not be treated as a complete explanation of human affairs.
8. Situational Factors and Opportunity
Not every affair begins with a long-standing intention to cheat.
Some people report situational influences such as intoxication, stress, unusual circumstances, or unexpected opportunities.
These factors may affect judgment or help explain how a particular encounter occurred.
Nevertheless, opportunity alone does not establish that infidelity will happen, and intoxication does not remove personal responsibility.
The interaction between individual choices and circumstances is an important part of understanding infidelity.
Summary: Eight Motivations for Infidelity
| Motivation | What it describes |
|---|---|
| Sexual desire | Interest in sexual experiences or satisfaction outside the relationship |
| Neglect | Feeling emotionally overlooked or insufficiently appreciated |
| Anger | Resentment or retaliation connected to relationship conflict |
| Lack of love | Diminished romantic feelings toward the primary partner |
| Low commitment | Reduced investment in maintaining the relationship or exclusivity |
| Esteem | Seeking validation, desirability, or personal reassurance |
| Variety | Curiosity about novelty or additional sexual partners |
| Situational factors | Circumstances such as intoxication, stress, or unexpected opportunity |
Source: Selterman, Garcia, and Tsapelas, Motivations for Extradyadic Infidelity Revisited, The Journal of Sex Research, 2019. The study surveyed 495 respondents, predominantly young adults, and should not be interpreted as establishing the national prevalence of each motivation.
Original research and methodology.
Is Infidelity Always Caused by an Unhappy Relationship?
No. Relationship dissatisfaction is one important factor associated with infidelity, but it is not a necessary condition. Research on motivations for affairs identifies several factors that can operate independently of dissatisfaction, including sexual variety, self-esteem, and situational circumstances.
This distinction challenges a common assumption: that cheating automatically proves a relationship was fundamentally unhappy.
Some people report infidelity while remaining emotionally attached to their primary partner. Others describe significant relationship problems, diminished commitment, or a desire to leave.
Research does not support treating all these experiences as interchangeable.
A 2019 systematic review by Haseli and colleagues examined the factors associated with infidelity through an ecological framework, considering individual characteristics, relationship dynamics, and broader circumstances.
The authors highlighted the importance of interpersonal compatibility while also emphasizing the difficulty of combining findings from studies using different definitions and methods.
Read the systematic review in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Can Someone Love Their Partner and Still Cheat?
Yes. Romantic attachment and a desire for additional sexual or emotional experiences can coexist.
However, experiencing attraction to another person is not the same as engaging in infidelity.
Infidelity generally involves violating an understood or explicitly agreed boundary of romantic or sexual exclusivity.
A person’s claim that they still love their partner does not negate the betrayal experienced by the other person, nor does it establish that the relationship is healthy.
Do Men and Women Cheat for Different Reasons?
Research has found some gender differences in reported motivations for infidelity, but the differences are not universal and should not be treated as fixed characteristics of men or women. Both emotional and sexual motivations can occur across genders, and individual circumstances are important.
For example, a 2005 study by William Barta and Susan Kiene examined motivations for infidelity among college students in heterosexual dating relationships.
Of 432 students surveyed, 120 reported past dating infidelity. The researchers identified four motivational dimensions: sex, dissatisfaction, neglect, and anger.
Some motivations showed statistical associations with gender and personality characteristics within that sample.
However, these findings should not be generalized to all married men and women, older adults, or people in different cultural and relationship contexts.
Read the study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Claims such as “men cheat for sex while women cheat for emotional connection” oversimplify a more complicated body of research.
Why Do Some Affairs Become Long-Term Relationships While Others Are Brief?
The motivation behind an affair may be associated with how it develops and whether the primary relationship continues. Research suggests that affairs connected to anger or diminished love can differ from encounters primarily associated with situational circumstances.
In a study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy in 2021, Selterman, Garcia, and Tsapelas examined how motivations related to reported experiences during and after affairs.
The research involved 495 respondents.
The researchers found that motivations connected to the primary relationship, including anger and lack of love, were associated with longer affairs, more public dates with outside partners, and a greater likelihood of primary relationship dissolution.
By contrast, situational motivations, including stress or intoxication, were associated with shorter affairs and lower rates of disclosure and dissolution.
These are associations from a particular research sample, not evidence that a stated motivation inevitably causes a specific outcome.
How Does Technology Influence Infidelity?
Digital technology can change how people meet, communicate, and maintain outside relationships, but it does not establish a single new psychological cause of infidelity. Dating apps, social media, private messaging, and artificial intelligence may alter opportunities and communication while underlying motivations remain varied.
Technology introduces several considerations:
- Accessibility: Online platforms expand opportunities to encounter potential romantic or sexual partners.
- Communication: Digital conversations can facilitate emotional intimacy before an in-person relationship develops.
- Privacy: Private messaging and account controls can affect how relationships are managed.
- Boundary ambiguity: Partners may disagree about whether flirting, exchanging intimate messages, or maintaining an emotionally exclusive online connection constitutes cheating.
These developments also make the definition of infidelity increasingly important.
For some couples, the decisive factor is physical sexual contact. For others, concealed emotional intimacy or sexually explicit online interactions may violate agreed boundaries.
Does Artificial Intelligence Make Infidelity Easier?
Generative AI introduces another dimension to digital relationship behavior, particularly in messaging, advice, and communication.
In a 2026 Sasha7 survey of 1,087 adult users of its discreet-dating platform in the United States, Australia, and Canada:
- 44% reported using AI in connection with an affair or discreet relationship.
- 31% reported using AI to write or improve messages to someone they were romantically or sexually interested in.
- 18% reported using AI to help explain suspicious circumstances to a spouse or partner.
- 14% reported using AI specifically to make a discreet relationship harder to discover.
These findings describe respondents to a voluntary survey of Sasha7 users. They are not representative of all married people, all people who cheat, or the general population.
Importantly, the survey measures reported AI usage, not whether AI caused someone to begin an affair.
Source: Sasha7, AI and the Modern Affair, 2026. Voluntary adult-member survey, n=1,087, conducted July 1–September 1, 2026.
Read the original Sasha7 AI and infidelity survey.
For further original studies and platform activity reports, see the Sasha7 Research Library.
What Counts as Infidelity? Physical, Emotional, and Digital Affairs
Infidelity is generally understood as conduct that violates a couple’s expectations or agreements about romantic or sexual exclusivity. Its definition can differ between relationships, cultures, and research studies.
Researchers commonly distinguish between several forms.
Sexual Infidelity
Sexual infidelity involves sexual activity outside the primary relationship that violates an exclusivity agreement.
The acts included in survey questions can vary, making comparisons between studies difficult.
Emotional Infidelity
Emotional infidelity generally involves a romantic or intimate attachment outside the primary relationship that crosses established boundaries.
Because emotional intimacy is difficult to define consistently, what qualifies may differ considerably between individuals and couples.
Digital Infidelity
Digital infidelity may involve sexual or romantic interactions through messaging, dating apps, social platforms, or other online channels.
It is important not to assume that all online flirting or digital communication constitutes infidelity. The relevant relationship agreements and context matter.
A major 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis by Benjamin Warach and colleagues examined 305 studies involving 508,241 respondents across 47 countries.
The researchers found substantial variation in how infidelity was defined and measured. Their analysis also highlighted the limited research attention paid to some nonsexual forms of infidelity.
This is one reason broad claims about infidelity rates or causes should be interpreted cautiously.
Read the 2024 meta-analysis in Personal Relationships.
For a breakdown of prevalence estimates and survey definitions, consult Infidelity Statistics 2026.
Can Infidelity Be Prevented?
There is no single scientifically established method that prevents every instance of infidelity. However, research on relationship functioning and infidelity suggests that commitment, relationship dynamics, individual differences, and situational circumstances all deserve consideration.
Because motivations vary, prevention cannot be reduced to improving sexual frequency, maintaining physical attractiveness, or attempting to eliminate opportunities to meet other people.
Relationship practices that may support mutually understood expectations include discussing boundaries, addressing persistent conflict, communicating about emotional and sexual needs, and seeking qualified relationship support when needed.
These practices should not be presented as guarantees.
If infidelity occurs, understanding its motivations may help a couple evaluate what happened and what they want to do next. Explanation and accountability are separate issues: identifying a motivation does not excuse breaking an agreement.
Frequently Asked Questions About Why People Cheat
What is the number one cause of cheating?
Research does not establish one universal leading cause of infidelity. Studies identify multiple motivations, including dissatisfaction, neglect, sexual desire, anger, diminished commitment, self-esteem, novelty, and situational circumstances. Their relative importance depends on the population, study design, and type of infidelity being examined.
Do happy people cheat?
Yes, people who describe their relationships positively can still engage in infidelity. Some report motivations such as sexual variety, validation, or opportunity rather than dissatisfaction. However, this does not mean relationship quality is irrelevant to infidelity risk.
Is cheating always about sex?
No. Sexual desire is one recognized motivation, but research also identifies emotional neglect, anger, reduced love, commitment, self-esteem, and other factors. Emotional and digital infidelity further complicate attempts to define all cheating as sexual behavior.
Why do people cheat instead of breaking up?
There is no single explanation. A person may experience conflicting motivations, including attachment to their primary relationship alongside attraction to someone else. Research documents such motivations, but it does not establish that everyone who has an affair wants to maintain their primary relationship.
Does cheating mean someone no longer loves their partner?
Not necessarily. Love, sexual attraction, relationship satisfaction, and commitment are related but distinct. Some respondents in infidelity research describe diminished love, whereas others report motivations that do not require the absence of romantic attachment.
Are dating apps causing more infidelity?
Dating apps may create additional opportunities for meeting people, but showing that an app is used in connection with an affair does not establish that the app caused the infidelity. Changes in technology, social behavior, definitions, and reporting practices complicate efforts to determine long-term causal trends.
What is the difference between consensual non-monogamy and cheating?
Consensual non-monogamy involves relationship arrangements in which partners agree to some form of romantic or sexual non-exclusivity. Infidelity involves violating an understood or explicit relationship agreement. Non-monogamy and infidelity are therefore not synonymous.
For further reading, see Consensual Non-Monogamy, Trust, and Relationship Psychology.
Conclusion: Infidelity Is More Complicated Than a Lack of Love
Scientific research challenges the idea that people cheat for just one reason.
Relationship dissatisfaction and emotional disconnection can be important, but so can sexual desire, novelty, validation, anger, commitment, and situational factors.
The distinction matters because different motivations may be associated with different experiences and relationship outcomes.
Digital technology adds new ways to communicate and maintain relationships, but it does not eliminate the underlying complexity of human motivations.
The central conclusion is that infidelity is best understood through a combination of individual, interpersonal, and contextual factors—not a single explanation applied to everyone who cheats.
Research Sources and References
The following peer-reviewed publications informed this article:
- Selterman, D., Garcia, J. R., & Tsapelas, I. (2019). Motivations for Extradyadic Infidelity Revisited. The Journal of Sex Research, 56(3), 273–286. DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2017.1393494. Study of 495 respondents examining multiple motivations for infidelity.
- Selterman, D., Garcia, J. R., & Tsapelas, I. (2021). What Do People Do, Say, and Feel When They Have Affairs? Associations between Extradyadic Infidelity Motives with Behavioral, Emotional, and Sexual Outcomes. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 47(3), 238–252. DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2020.1856987. Analysis of motivations and reported affair experiences.
- Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339–360. DOI: 10.1177/0265407505052440. Study examining four motivational dimensions in a college-student sample.
- Haseli, A., Shariati, M., Nazari, A. M., Keramat, A., & Emamian, M. H. (2019). Infidelity and Its Associated Factors: A Systematic Review. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 16(8), 1155–1169. DOI: 10.1016/j.jsxm.2019.04.011. Review of individual, interpersonal, and contextual factors associated with infidelity.
- Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 70–74. DOI: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.008. Overview of infidelity research, definitions, and predictors.
- Warach, B., Bornstein, R. F., Gorman, B. S., & Moyer, A. (2024). The current state of affairs in infidelity research: A systematic review and meta-analysis of romantic infidelity prevalence and its moderators. Personal Relationships, 31(4), 1001–1026. DOI: 10.1111/pere.12571. Meta-analysis of 305 studies across 47 countries.
Original Sasha7 Research
Sasha7 (2026). AI and the Modern Affair: How People Are Using Artificial Intelligence in Extramarital Relationships. Voluntary survey of 1,087 adult Sasha7 users in the United States, Australia, and Canada, conducted July 1–September 1, 2026.
The Sasha7 survey was not designed to estimate infidelity prevalence or motivations in the general population.
About This Article and Editorial Standards
This article is a research-informed educational review published by Sasha7, a commercial discreet-dating platform.
It synthesizes previously published academic studies and separately identifies Sasha7’s proprietary research. It is not a new clinical study, systematic review, or nationally representative population survey.
The academic studies cited here differ in sample composition, methods, definitions, and research objectives. Findings should be interpreted within those limitations, and observed associations should not automatically be treated as causal relationships.
For original reports, statistical findings, and methodology disclosures, visit the Sasha7 Research Library and Editorial Policy.
For journalists and researchers: Individual findings should be attributed to their original academic publications. Proprietary survey findings should be attributed to Sasha7 Research, with the sample and study dates included.
Media inquiries: [email protected].
