My Ashley Madison Experience: From Start to Finish (2024)

Summary

My experience on Ashley Madison revealed a platform that prioritizes profit over user satisfaction. Despite crafting a solid profile and sending tailored messages, I faced issues like high costs, fake profiles, and spammy promotions. The sneaky subscription billing practices further highlighted the site’s focus on separating users from their money rather than facilitating genuine connections. For those considering using the platform, be cautious and explore better alternatives.

Lessons Learned: What I Wish I Knew Before Joining Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison Signup Process

Signing up on Ashley Madison is actually pretty straightforward. They first ask for your relationship status (attached man seeking women, single man seeking women, etc.), followed by your birth date, country, and postal/zip code. Next, you provide an email, username, and password.

The only downside? As soon as you get started, they hit you with an annoying popup trying to push you into buying credits before you’ve even completed your profile or uploaded any photos. It feels a bit aggressive, especially for new users still trying to figure things out.

Once you navigate past that, you’re taken to the “Other Options” screen, where you’re presented with a few checkbox choices:

1. Automatically share your private photos with whoever shares theirs with you.
   When this option is on, anyone who shares their private key with you will automatically get access to your private photos.
2. Contact potential matches for me.
   If you select this option, Ashley Madison reaches out to profiles that might be a good match for you. You can opt out of this service later if you change your mind.

I decided to uncheck the first box because the idea of automatically giving strangers access to my private photos seemed sketchy. It’s easy to see how someone could exploit this feature by uploading irrelevant “private” photos (like a picture of their foot) and sharing their private key with others to gain access to more personal, real private photos in return. If someone didn’t bother to uncheck this box, it could be pretty awkward.

At first, the second option—having Ashley Madison contact potential matches for me—seemed tempting. After all, who wouldn’t want a little help connecting with others? But, after thinking it over, I unchecked that box too. It seemed like a quick way for the platform to burn through my credits by messaging random profiles on my behalf. I didn’t want to waste credits on messages that might not go anywhere. Personally, I’d recommend everyone uncheck both boxes to stay in control of their experience.

Finally, they ask, “What are you looking for?”
The options are:

• Something Short Term
• Something Long Term
• Cyber Affair / Erotic Chat
• Whatever Excites Me
• Anything Goes
• Undecided

I went with “Anything Goes.” It seemed broad enough to cover all bases without locking me into a specific category.

Next up is a quick greeting, which they describe as a “one-liner.” I kept it simple and set mine to:
“Looking for a discreet connection.”

Then comes the bio section. For mine, I filled it out with:
“New to town, wanting to explore the city. Respectful and without judgment. I think I’m here for the same reason as many of us – looking for something missing in marriage, but in a non-judgmental and open-minded environment.”

After that, they ask for some basic details like your ethnicity, height, and weight. It’s all pretty standard stuff.

Adding Photos to your Ashley Madison Profile

After dismissing the initial pop-up asking for money, Ashley Madison encourages you to upload a photo with the prompt:
“Add a disguised photo. Members with photos get more messages. Disguise your identity and add some privacy to your photos. The original will be saved in your private gallery.”

This is arguably the most important part of anyone’s profile. I was a little surprised that Ashley Madison doesn’t take the time to guide users with examples of how to take great, discreet photos. It’s such a vital part of succeeding on any dating app, especially one where discretion is key. Given how quickly they hit you with that payment prompt, I was starting to get the feeling that Ashley Madison is more interested in separating you from your money than actually helping you connect with anyone.

For my profile, I went with a photo of me at the gym, blurring just my face to keep things private. Note: Ashley Madison doesn’t offer the option to blur just parts of your photo—you can only blur the entire image. So, I had to use another app to edit the photo before uploading it to Ashley Madison.

For my other photos, I got some inspiration from Sasha7‘s photo guide on how to take discreet yet attractive pictures, and I ended up pretty happy with how my profile turned out.

Honestly, if Ashley Madison cared more about their users’ success, they’d invest some effort into teaching people how to effectively use the platform—especially since so many users have been out of the dating game for years due to being married and might be unfamiliar with how to navigate online dating. It feels like a missed opportunity to truly help their users succeed.

The Ashley Madison Search/Discover Page

The first thing I noticed while searching was that only about half of the women had profile photos. This isn’t really surprising since Ashley Madison is a discreet dating site and doesn’t offer any clear guidance on how to stay discreet while still posting photos. It’s not always intuitive. The half that do have photos? Many are fully blurred, and a few just have a black bar over their eyes.

The next thing I spotted was the presence of fake profiles. One profile, in particular, caught my eye—it looked authentic with a great photo, but after some digging, I realized it was actually a picture of adult actress Sasha Grey. A quick search on her Instagram confirmed they ripped off her photos. This wasn’t the only celebrity profile I found that had been stolen straight from social media.

At this point, I started questioning why Ashley Madison was doing such a poor job moderating profiles. And then it hit me: if they actually banned the scammers, escorts, and OnlyFans promoters, there would be almost no “women” left on the site. Ashley Madison seems to rely on these users as “engagement bots”—they’re real people, but they’re only interacting for the wrong reasons.

Search Filter

Ashley Madison does offer a decent set of search filters. You can filter by distance, ranging from 10 miles (16 km) to 200 miles (320 km), and set an age range. You can also change the location and narrow down results based on the last login time, from “anytime” (the default) to the last 24 or 48 hours. You can even specify what type of relationship you’re looking for, like attached females seeking males, single females seeking males, or even males seeking males.

There’s also the option to toggle filters for profiles with private photos, public photos, or new members only.

While these filters are robust, they feel somewhat excessive given the lack of active profiles. For instance, in Sydney, if you filter for profiles with public photos that have been active in the last 48 hours, you’ll only find a couple of profiles—if that. I tried the same in other major cities like New York, Toronto, and São Paulo, and the results were pretty similar. Basically, if you want to be even a little bit selective on Ashley Madison, you’re going to have very limited options—if any.

Another odd thing I noticed was blatantly fake profiles. For example, I saw profiles of women who marked their ethnicity as “African American (Black)” even though they were white as snow. There were also redheads claiming their hair was black, and lots of profiles that seemed automatically generated without much thought put into matching the details. It was pretty clear that a lot of these profiles weren’t even trying to be believable.

My Intro Message on Ashley Madison

I put a lot of effort into crafting my profile, using discreet yet attractive photos that highlight my best features. For example, I showcased what I’ve been told is my strongest asset—my shoulders—at the gym, shared an image of me flying a small plane to show off my interests, and included a shot of me in a tailored suit for that sharp, polished look. So, naturally, I figured it made sense to take the time to craft an introduction message I could use over and over again (with some minor tweaks).

I got this advice, once again, from Sasha7.

Here’s what I came up with, after following Sasha7’s suggestions:

Women, especially those who’ve been in long-term relationships, might not feel comfortable making the first move. So, it’s up to you to break the ice. The key is to write a solid introduction message that grabs attention but still leaves room for some personal details about the person you’re messaging. The last thing you want to do is overwhelm her with the same unoriginal message you’ve sent to ten other profiles. Not only will it not work—it’s just plain annoying.

Here’s an example of a good introduction message:

“Hi, your profile caught my attention.”

“What you said about wanting to break the monotony and try something new and exciting really resonated with me.”

“It seems like we’re looking for similar things here. Maybe we can help each other out—I’ll teach you how to fly if you teach me how to cook… though you might have your work cut out for you with that! 😉”

“I’d love to learn more about you. Let me know if you’re interested, and we can take it from there!”

The Subtext of This Message Is:

1. “I’m interested in you”
2. “Here’s why”
3. “Here’s why I think we’d be a good match”
4. “I want to get to know you better, and I’m leaving the decision in your hands”

This approach is friendly and leaves the conversation open, giving her the chance to respond while also showing you’re genuinely interested in her. It’s a much more personal touch compared to the usual “hey” or “what’s up” that doesn’t offer any real substance. Plus, it’s flirty without being over the top or too forward, which helps in a more discreet setting like Ashley Madison.

Sending Messages on Ashley Madison

I tailored my intro message to individual profiles, making sure each felt unique and genuine. After putting in the effort, I sent out a decent number of them. Here are the results:

• Messages Sent: 45
• Responses: 9

Now, here’s where it gets interesting—or frustrating. Out of the 9 responses, 5 were from women promoting their OnlyFans or similar paid platforms. Their messages were basically ads, encouraging me to subscribe if I wanted to keep chatting. It felt like a bait-and-switch situation, and honestly, it made the whole thing seem more like a business transaction than a real connection.

The other 4 were more promising. We had some short, casual chats, and I managed to move two of them off-platform to Kik for more personal conversations. Nothing groundbreaking, but at least they seemed like real people.

Private Gallery Requests

When it comes to private photo galleries, Ashley Madison has a limit: you get a maximum of three free private gallery requests. After that, each subsequent request will set you back 5 credits.

Here’s how it went for me:

• Private Keys Requested: 10
• Approved: 3

Of those 3 approvals, 1 had practically nothing in her private gallery, which was disappointing. Another one was packed with explicit adult content, but it turned out she was another OnlyFans promoter trying to get me to subscribe for more. Finally, the third one seemed legit. We hit it off and eventually took the conversation off-site to Kik, so at least there was one success.

Ashley Madison Cost & Payment

Now for the part that really stings—the payment. I went ahead and purchased the 500-credit pack, which totaled a whopping $219.48 AUD (or $147.12 USD). Here’s the full breakdown:

• Credit Pack: $179.99 AUD (or $199.00 USD)
• Mobile Access Fee: $24.99 AUD (or $18.99 USD)

Let’s talk about that mobile fee. It’s a blatant cash grab. Ashley Madison charges extra for mobile access, which is absurd considering this is a discreet dating site. Most people are obviously going to use their phones—who’s logging in from their home computer for something like this? It’s just another way for them to squeeze money out of you.

Full Price Breakdown:

Keep in mind, these credit packages come with the mandatory mobile fee. Prices vary a bit based on your location, but you can expect to pay approximately:

• 100 credits: $59.99 AUD ($69.00 USD) plus the additional mobile access charge of $24.99 ($18.99 USD)
• 500 credits: $179.99 AUD (199.00 USD) plus the additional mobile access charge of $24.99 ($18.99 USD)
• 1,000 credits: $289.99 AUD (329.00 USD) plus the additional mobile access charge of $24.99 ($18.99 USD)
• Recurring MIC charge: an extra $29.99 AUD per month ($32.99 USD)

When you add it all up, it’s clear Ashley Madison is more interested in your wallet than helping you make genuine connections. You end up paying a steep price for what’s essentially a shallow experience filled with OnlyFans promotions and fake profiles.

Payment Options on Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison offers several payment options for users looking to purchase credits to enhance their experience on the platform. These options include:

1. Credit Card: You can pay using major credit cards such as Visa, MasterCard, and American Express, which provide a quick and convenient way to acquire credits instantly.
2. PayPal: For those who prefer using an e-wallet, Ashley Madison accepts payments through PayPal, allowing for a secure transaction process.
3. Bank Transfer: Users can opt for a bank transfer to fund their accounts. However, this method takes longer, typically requiring up to 3 business days for the funds to clear and for your profile to be upgraded.
4. Mail and Courier: If you prefer to pay by check or cash, you can send funds directly to Ashley Madison via mail or courier. This option can take even longer, with processing times of up to 7 business days before your account is updated to access messages and other features.

While there are multiple payment methods available, be prepared for potential delays, especially with bank transfers and mailed payments.

What is Ashley Madison Prime?

Well, to be honest, its just another cash grab…Ashley Madison has introduced a feature called Ashley Madison Prime, which claims to elevate your profile and increase your chances of connecting with others on the site. For a fee, this subscription highlights your profile with a special badge, presumably to show that you’re a “serious” member—akin to tactics used by sugar dating sites to showcase high-value individuals.

However, it’s hard not to view Ashley Madison Prime as just another cash grab. While the promise of getting 25% more messages and increased profile views sounds enticing, the reality may not match the hype. After all, the added visibility and badge are merely marketing tactics designed to make you feel special, while simultaneously separating you from your hard-earned money.

Here’s what you can expect with Ashley Madison Prime:

• Get 25% More Messages: This claim may sound appealing, but many users question whether the extra messages translate into genuine connections or just a higher volume of generic greetings.
• Highlight Your Profile: The shiny badge may catch the eye, but it doesn’t guarantee meaningful interactions. You might end up wondering if it’s worth the additional expense.
• Increase Profile Views: Sure, your profile may get more visits, but are they quality interactions? Or just another way for Ashley Madison to reel you in?
• Maximize Your Connections: While the intention is to help you connect, it’s crucial to consider if paying for this feature truly enhances your experience or just adds to the bottom line of Ashley Madison’s revenue.

Responding to Messages on Ashley Madison

This part of my experience was particularly frustrating. I spent a lot of time crafting a solid profile, complete with 5 public photos, 5 private photos, and a bio that I felt was far better than 99% of the bios I’ve seen—not just on affair sites, but on dating sites in general. I also filled out every section of my profile. So, it wasn’t a surprise that I started receiving messages from “women” on the site.

What did surprise me was finding out that Ashley Madison makes you pay to read the messages you receive! This seemed absurd to me. I didn’t message these users—they wrote to me—yet I couldn’t see what they said without forking over at least $59.99, plus the additional $24.99 mobile access fee for the lowest credit package.

Hoping for something worthwhile, I decided to pay, only to find that most of the messages were just generic “hi” or “hello.” It was disappointing, especially after paying to unlock them, and none of these conversations went anywhere when I replied.

What’s even weirder are these seemingly automated, Ashley Madison-generated messages that show up in your inbox. Messages like “Ladybat2024 has some hidden desires. Reach out to her and see if you can satisfy them.” I highly doubt the users are aware of these messages being sent on their behalf. It’s just another example of how the site seems designed to lure you in and separate you from your money with cheap tricks.

My Ashley Madison Results

• Messages sent: 45
• Responses received: 9
• Actual, non-bot/promotional responses: 3
• Taken off-platform (Kik, Skype): 2

Out of the real responses, one woman wanted to video call me off-platform. At first, I took this as a good sign, thinking she wanted to verify I wasn’t a catfish. So, I accepted. But something felt off pretty quickly. She insisted that I expose myself, which is a common scam tactic online. Here’s how it works: they’ll move you to another platform (in this case, we switched from WhatsApp to Skype) and convince you to do something explicit while they secretly record you (Skype has a built-in recording function, which scammers love). Fortunately, I realized what was happening before it was too late. I ended the call, blocked her, and reported her profile on Ashley Madison. But here’s the kicker—her profile still hasn’t been suspended, which raises questions about how seriously the platform takes these kinds of scams.

The other woman suggested moving our conversation to Kik, which didn’t raise any red flags at the time, since a lot of people in the affair space use Kik for discreet communication. But sadly, this turned out to be just another ploy. She was only interested in trying to get me to send her money.

Frustration with the Platform

The most frustrating part of this whole experience is that I actually put in the work. I didn’t just throw together some half-hearted profile—I spent time crafting a solid one. I uploaded 5 carefully chosen public photos and 5 private ones, wrote a bio that I thought stood out, and made sure to complete every section. I even crafted a well-thought-out introduction message, tailored to each individual profile, based on solid advice I got from Sasha7. But despite all of that effort, it felt like I was just spinning my wheels.

After sending out 45 messages, only 9 people responded. Of those 9, more than half were just promoting their OnlyFans or trying to get me to subscribe to some other external platform. That left me with just 4 genuine responses, and even then, only 2 resulted in any sort of actual conversation.

When it came to requesting access to private galleries, I paid for the 500-credit pack thinking it would give me better chances. I sent 10 private gallery requests, and only 3 were approved. One of them was a complete waste of time, with barely any photos. Another was loaded with adult content, and, unsurprisingly, she tried to push me to her OnlyFans after that. Only one of the three seemed like a real connection, and we moved the conversation off-site, but even that interaction didn’t feel like it was worth the investment of time and money.

And then there’s the insult to injury: getting messages from women on the platform and not even being able to read them unless I pay more money! Even though they initiated the conversation, I couldn’t see their messages without buying credits. After spending over $200 AUD, the reality hit me: most of those messages were just generic “hi” or “hello,” and no conversation came of them.

It’s exhausting to put in this kind of effort—building a profile, crafting thoughtful messages, investing money—and then get nothing in return. I can’t help but feel frustrated when I think about the average guy on Ashley Madison who might not have the same level of patience or effort. If this was my experience after trying my best, I can only imagine how brutal it would be for someone else. It’s clear that the platform isn’t just poorly moderated; it’s designed to take your money while giving as little as possible in return.

Honestly, between the scammers, the bots, the shady OnlyFans promoters, and the constant paywalls, it feels like the deck is stacked against users from the start.

Ashley Madison’s Sneaky Rebills

Here’s where things get sneaky. So here I am, thinking I used all the credits I paid for and got nothing in return, ready to move on. Then, the following month, I noticed a charge of $29.99 from Ashley Madison on my credit card statement. To be honest, I almost missed it until I realized what was happening. This was yet another ploy by Ashley Madison to separate me from my money. Their pre-checked Member Initiated Contact fee was billing me monthly. I didn’t catch it on the first billing cycle because it was “conveniently” offered for free during the initial month. When you buy any credit package on Ashley Madison, they automatically preselect you for a subscription called Member Initiated Contact (MIC). They present it as a “free month” of MIC, which sounds great at first, but here’s the catch: once that month is up, they’ll hit you with a recurring charge of $29.99 every single month thereafter.

What’s particularly insidious is that they don’t charge you the MIC fee on your first bill, since they claim the first month is “free.” This can easily lead most users to forget about it entirely or not realize they’ve been signed up for a subscription in the first place. After all, when you’re purchasing a credit pack, you don’t expect to be automatically enrolled in a subscription service, especially when they frame it as a complimentary offer.

This means that many people will only discover they’re being charged months later when they see their bills, feeling blindsided and frustrated. It’s a classic bait-and-switch tactic that seems designed to maximize profit at the expense of user trust. Rather than offering transparency, Ashley Madison capitalizes on the confusion surrounding the initial purchase, leaving users with an unwelcome surprise and an ongoing expense that many likely didn’t even want.

Conclusion

In my experience with Ashley Madison, it became increasingly clear that the platform prioritizes profit over user experience. From the convoluted payment structure to the prevalence of fake profiles and scams, the site feels more like a cash grab than a genuine attempt to foster connections. Despite my efforts to create an engaging profile and communicate meaningfully, the obstacles were overwhelming. For anyone considering Ashley Madison, it’s essential to be aware of these pitfalls and remain vigilant about protecting your interests. Ultimately, there are more reliable and user-friendly options for those seeking discreet relationships, making it wise to explore alternatives before committing to this platform.

If you want to read the Portuguese version of this article you can do so here: Minha Experiência no Ashley Madison: Do Começo ao Fim (2024)